Post 5: Prose Benchmark Essay
Prompt: The following interchange, excerpted from an 1852 novel by Nathaniel Hawthorne, occurs when two characters who have been living on the Blithedale farm - a community designed to promote an ideal of equality achieved through communal rural living - are about to part ways. Read the passage carefully. In a well-written essay, analyze how Hawthorne portrays the narrator's attitude towards Zenobia through the use of literary techniques.
Essay: In the novel by Nathaniel Hawthorne, the narrator attempts to reason with an old friend. The narrator contrasts his memory of their time together to the person she is now to convey his troubled feelings about her. Throughout the piece, the narrator uses vivid imagery, figurative language, and forceful diction to portray his disapproval and disappointment at her leaving.
Hawthorne contrasts the opulent setting with their humble past with vivid imagery. He begins this section by describing "the brilliancy of the room" (l.2). The narrator focuses on the expensive furnishing, comparing it to his "old farmhouse, with its homely board" (l.8). This stark contrast in the setting correlates to the change in Zenobia's personality. The narrator characterizes this change by focusing on how her living conditions have greatly improved in ways against their former beliefs. He uses imagery again to describe Zenobia. He begins to develop antagonistic feelings toward her as he described the "largeness of her physical nature and the rich type of her beauty" (l.25-26) as "not deeply refine, incapable of pure and perfect taste" (l.29). The narrator shows his disdain for her actions of leaving their humble home and surrounding herself with excess. The extravagance of her current existence is a harsh contrast to his memory and desire for her and he begins to express a resentment against her.
As the narrator sees Zenobia in her current state, he doubts his memory of who she used to be. He describes her attitude in the present and in the past as "something like the illusion which a great actress flings around her" (l.39-40). The use of this simile shows his conflicting feelings about her. He is doubting their history together as ever being real while doubting the character she is portraying at the moment as also being real. He continues the idea of magic and illusion being the root of her change. The narrator wants a "spell that would exorcize her out of the part which she seemed to be acting" (l.62-63). He is not wholly convinced that the person she is portraying herself as is who she really is. He is still attempting to hold on to the memory of the person he knew instead of accepting the person she has become. Despite the disdain he expressed earlier for her actions, he still holds feelings for her as a memory of his community and is trying to reconcile those feelings to one side or another.
In contrast to the narrator's conflicted feelings towards her, the narrator uses forceful diction throughout the interchange. The interchange is portrayed by the narrator as a type of battle of will between Zenobia and him. The narrator first realizes this as he has "to bear up against the effect which Zenobia sought to impose on me" (l.20-21). Here, Zenobia and he are on opposite sides - her imposing her new lifestyle, him defending their past. This battle continues as he, at last, holds "the true character of the woman" (l.27-28). The language is simple but forceful as he strips away her pretenses to gather the reality of the person she has become. Despite his certainty of her character, he still holds doubts that she is no longer the person he knew. He declares that he is "determined to make proof" (1. 61) of the reality of her current part. He uses forceful to assert that he will discover the truth in her character and put his conflicting feelings to rest.
Reflection: After reading through the scored sample essays the scoring guidelines, I gave my essay a 6. In my essay I provided a “reasonable analysis” of the narrator’s attitude, expanding on the effect of “vivid imagery, figurative language, and forceful diction” in conveying the narrator’s attitude toward Zenobia. While my analysis connected the attitude of the speaker and the literary techniques it was not a “solidly developed” analysis as 7 essays are and could have expanded more deeply on the connection and effect. Throughout my essay, I struggled to use “specific textual evidence” to support my claims as 8/9 essays do. Instead, my evidence tended to be broad or general and I relied on my analysis of it to narrow it down to a focused point or claim. My essay provided “insight” into the narrator’s conflicting attitude toward Zenobia and focused on how the speaker was attempting to reconcile his differing views of Zenobia together.
One point I need to develop more clearly in the future is discussing the tone shifts throughout the passage. I tended to focus on the different tones of the speaker throughout the passage but did not address how these shifts helped to further portray the complex attitude of the speaker.
I also need help and clarification on writing topic sentences. I need help in connecting the claims made in the topic sentences back to the thesis without restating the thesis or being too specific. This would help improve the organization of my essay and control the flow between my analyzation of the various shifts of the passage.
Score Reveal: My essay received a 6.5. Based on feedback, I need to work on focusing my thesis statement. My thesis was not specific enough in the complexity of that my essay was addressing.
Essay: In the novel by Nathaniel Hawthorne, the narrator attempts to reason with an old friend. The narrator contrasts his memory of their time together to the person she is now to convey his troubled feelings about her. Throughout the piece, the narrator uses vivid imagery, figurative language, and forceful diction to portray his disapproval and disappointment at her leaving.
Hawthorne contrasts the opulent setting with their humble past with vivid imagery. He begins this section by describing "the brilliancy of the room" (l.2). The narrator focuses on the expensive furnishing, comparing it to his "old farmhouse, with its homely board" (l.8). This stark contrast in the setting correlates to the change in Zenobia's personality. The narrator characterizes this change by focusing on how her living conditions have greatly improved in ways against their former beliefs. He uses imagery again to describe Zenobia. He begins to develop antagonistic feelings toward her as he described the "largeness of her physical nature and the rich type of her beauty" (l.25-26) as "not deeply refine, incapable of pure and perfect taste" (l.29). The narrator shows his disdain for her actions of leaving their humble home and surrounding herself with excess. The extravagance of her current existence is a harsh contrast to his memory and desire for her and he begins to express a resentment against her.
As the narrator sees Zenobia in her current state, he doubts his memory of who she used to be. He describes her attitude in the present and in the past as "something like the illusion which a great actress flings around her" (l.39-40). The use of this simile shows his conflicting feelings about her. He is doubting their history together as ever being real while doubting the character she is portraying at the moment as also being real. He continues the idea of magic and illusion being the root of her change. The narrator wants a "spell that would exorcize her out of the part which she seemed to be acting" (l.62-63). He is not wholly convinced that the person she is portraying herself as is who she really is. He is still attempting to hold on to the memory of the person he knew instead of accepting the person she has become. Despite the disdain he expressed earlier for her actions, he still holds feelings for her as a memory of his community and is trying to reconcile those feelings to one side or another.
In contrast to the narrator's conflicted feelings towards her, the narrator uses forceful diction throughout the interchange. The interchange is portrayed by the narrator as a type of battle of will between Zenobia and him. The narrator first realizes this as he has "to bear up against the effect which Zenobia sought to impose on me" (l.20-21). Here, Zenobia and he are on opposite sides - her imposing her new lifestyle, him defending their past. This battle continues as he, at last, holds "the true character of the woman" (l.27-28). The language is simple but forceful as he strips away her pretenses to gather the reality of the person she has become. Despite his certainty of her character, he still holds doubts that she is no longer the person he knew. He declares that he is "determined to make proof" (1. 61) of the reality of her current part. He uses forceful to assert that he will discover the truth in her character and put his conflicting feelings to rest.
Reflection: After reading through the scored sample essays the scoring guidelines, I gave my essay a 6. In my essay I provided a “reasonable analysis” of the narrator’s attitude, expanding on the effect of “vivid imagery, figurative language, and forceful diction” in conveying the narrator’s attitude toward Zenobia. While my analysis connected the attitude of the speaker and the literary techniques it was not a “solidly developed” analysis as 7 essays are and could have expanded more deeply on the connection and effect. Throughout my essay, I struggled to use “specific textual evidence” to support my claims as 8/9 essays do. Instead, my evidence tended to be broad or general and I relied on my analysis of it to narrow it down to a focused point or claim. My essay provided “insight” into the narrator’s conflicting attitude toward Zenobia and focused on how the speaker was attempting to reconcile his differing views of Zenobia together.
One point I need to develop more clearly in the future is discussing the tone shifts throughout the passage. I tended to focus on the different tones of the speaker throughout the passage but did not address how these shifts helped to further portray the complex attitude of the speaker.
I also need help and clarification on writing topic sentences. I need help in connecting the claims made in the topic sentences back to the thesis without restating the thesis or being too specific. This would help improve the organization of my essay and control the flow between my analyzation of the various shifts of the passage.
Score Reveal: My essay received a 6.5. Based on feedback, I need to work on focusing my thesis statement. My thesis was not specific enough in the complexity of that my essay was addressing.
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