Post 3: Poetry Benchmark Essay

Prompt: The following poem is by the sixteenth-century English poet George Gascoigne. Read the poem carefully. Then write an essay in which you analyze how the complex attitude of the speaker is developed through such devices as form, diction, and imagery.

Essay: Throughout his poem, "For That He Looked Not Upon Her", George Gascoigne discusses his conflicted attitude to someone who once harmed him.
Gascoigne's diction demonstrates the contrast of his feelings regarding this person. He first describes this person by their supposed wonder at him taking "no delight to range about the gleams which on you face do grow." In this line he forms the idea that it is strange that he wouldn't be staring at the person's face, leading the reader to the conclusion that at one point he did so. This builds the complexity of his attitude toward that person as it shows a past relationship that changed. He against uses favorable descriptors coupled with negative actions as he says "I wink or else hold down my head, because you blazing eyes my bale have bred." Here he explains why he does not look this person in the face, attributing their "blazing eyes" as the result of his misery. This helps build Gascoigne's message of a changed attitude and a desire to not repeat past mistakes.
This desire is represented throughout the poem through the use of metaphors. He crafts the recurring idea of someone who has learned their lesson, using the example of a mouse that "once hath broken out of trap is seldom 'ticed with the trustless bait." This visual creates a tangible understanding of his resistance to look at her or return to her. The words "trustless bait" convey the author's attitude regarding the woman, deeming her untrustworthy and tricking him the way the cheese tricks mice in a mouse trap. This strong attitude is again conveyed on another metaphor of a "scorched fly which once hath 'scaped the flame will hardly come to play again with fire." Here he again uses the example of escaping death and refusing to go back to the intended killer. This reflects the attitude he holds to the woman as he is using such metaphors as reasoning for his lack of enthusiasm of her arrival and his unwillingness to look at her. He uses both of these metaphors to convey the strong attitude he holds about her.
As Gascoigne closes his poem, his words shift into a more personal tone. Gone are the metaphors that held the topic at arm's length. He now addresses his own feelings and experiences with the woman. He conveys the lesson he learned, much like the mouse and fly who escaped death, is "that grievous is the game which follows fancy dazzled by desire." Much like the mouse and fly know what the cheese and fire hold for them, so too does Gascoigne know what the woman holds for him hidden beneath the desire he feels for her. This knowledge is what prompts him to keep his head down so as to not be drawn back into her and again suffer his "grievous" fate. This resigned attitude closes the poem as he addresses his only actions to take are to close his eyes or bow his head all to avoid looking at her, circling back to the begining where he first claimed to not look upon her face.


Reflection: After reading through the scoring guide of the Gascoigne poem and the sample essays, I gave myself a 5. I “responded to the assigned task” in my analysis of Gascoigne’s poem as I addressed “the complexity of his attitude toward through person as a past relationship that has changed.” I addressed the prompt addressing the complex attitude and later explained the use of devices that developed this attitude. I explained these parts of his poem separately and did not provide a thorough connection between his attitude and how the devices built this complex attitude. I did not give my essay a four because my essay did not “fail to offer an adequate analysis of the poem.” The difference between the scores is the development of the analysis and whether or not it answered the prompt.

One of the strategies I have learned through reading the sample essays is discussing the effect of the devices in relation to the speaker’s attitude. One place my essay was lacking in was the connection of how the devices built the attitude and knowing this strategy will help me be able to connect my analysis together. Another strategy that I learned is addressing multiple devices in each paragraph to build the overall point. In the successful essays, they addressed multiple devices and how that conveys the speaker’s attitude. This strategy will help improve my writing because I will be able to more clearly articulate connections between devices and effect without focusing too much on a device and not addressing the prompt with enough detail.

I have learned that I need to focus more on the arrangement of my ideas. Instead of breaking each paragraph into devices and addressing them individually, I need to focus on how they work together to build the speaker’s attitude. I need help in how to correctly describe the connections between parts and explain this without focusing too much on the devices themselves and neglecting the effect of them. I would like practice in articulating the effect of devices and how to express my thoughts concisely. I also have learned the structure of a three-sentence thesis and how to include the universal themes in it, but I need more practice with creating them and understanding which information to include in the thesis versus the topic sentences.

Score reveal update: I received the score of 5 on my essay from my teacher. The reasoning given for this score was that it had a good focus on shifts and good energy. My essay lost points on the structure of it as it was too "formulaic" and it lost the focus on the shifts later in the essay. Based on this feedback I know that I need to focus on maintaining a focus on the shifts throughout the essay and keep that as the center of my essay rather than focusing specifically on the literary elements without connecting it to the function. In addition, I need to focus on developing my essay organically and letting the structure come from the progression of my thoughts instead of following the previous one-idea-per-paragraph structure I have been using.